May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and I am so excited to be partnering with our sponsor, BetterHelp, to open up about my own experience with therapy and to answer some of your most-asked questions.
I know that starting therapy can feel overwhelming—especially if you’re not sure where to begin or how to find the right therapist. That’s exactly why I’m grateful for platforms like BetterHelp. They take a process that can feel confusing and intimidating and make it so much more accessible. BetterHelp is a great online resource that helps match you with a therapist who fits your needs, preferences and schedule—doing the search work for you, so getting started feels a little less daunting. Several friends of mine have used BetterHelp and shared how quick and seamless the process was—not just to get started, but to find someone who really got them, and who fit within their budget. A win-win. If you’re curious to try, this link gets you 25% off your first month!
I talk a lot about therapy —and I know it can sometimes sound like it’s just another part of my routine, seamless and second nature. But the truth is, it took me nearly a decade to get here. I can say with full confidence: I would not be the person I am today—mom, wife, daughter, friend—without it. Therapy has helped me find my footing as a new mom, balance the reality of living with an autoimmune disease, and more recently, cope with the trauma of losing our home and everything in it, in the Palisades fire.
So in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, I wanted to dedicate a Substack to answering some of your most asked questions about therapy: where to start, how to know what’s right, and what to expect along the way. Follow along as I break things down!
What pushed me to start therapy:
My first attempt at therapy was in college. It was…not great. The therapist I was seeing felt disconnected from my life stage, and I didn’t feel seen. So, I stopped going.
But about a year after graduation, I came back to it. I was navigating the perils of post-grad life: my first full-time job (and not loving it), managing my health with an autoimmune disease, figuring out my first serious relationship (with Ben—so I guess we cracked that one!) and facing the overwhelming pressure of trying to get it all right. I wanted to succeed at all of it: work, life, dating—and I needed help finding my footing. Plus, I run pretty anxious.
I was lucky to live in LA, where therapy wasn’t taboo. My friends and family didn’t just support me seeing someone, they encouraged it. And it made all the difference.
Fast forward nine years, and I’m still seeing the same therapist. From career pivots to motherhood, from building a life with Ben to losing our home, she’s seen and been there through it all. And because she’s walked through all of these phases of life with me, she knows me deeply—and I really trust her advice. When the fire happened, she was the first person I called after talking with my family. She knew what to say and reminded me that I had the skills to get through this difficult moment. Had I only started going to therapy after the fire, it still would have been helpful, but not in the same way. I’m so grateful to have her in my corner.
That’s my story, but now I’ll be answering your most-asked questions about how to begin yours.
Bathroom selfies in my therapist’s office:
So…Where the hell do I start?
Starting therapy is hard. Honestly finding the right therapist is probably the hardest part, so here are some of my tips to make the process easier.
In my experience, I asked a close friend, someone who’s been in therapy for years, if her therapist could share recommendations. That instantly gave me a shortlist of vetted professionals. I reached out to three of them, did short intro calls (which therapists usually offer for free), and picked the one I clicked with most. That initial connection matters more than you’d think—so don’t feel like you’re being picky, and don’t be afraid to “shop around.” It’s really important that you feel comfortable with this person.
I know not everyone has a circle where therapy is talked about openly. If that’s you, I’ve got you covered. I’ve compiled a massive list—over 400 therapist recs—from our community. Some are therapists themselves; others are clients who adore their therapists. It’s a goldmine, and I hope it helps.
Another great route: talk to your primary care doctor. So many people separate physical and mental health—but they’re deeply connected. Be honest with your PCP, tell them if you’re feeling anxious, overwhelmed, low. Ask if they can refer someone, they usually have names on hand.
And as mentioned previously, if you don’t know where to start, BetterHelp can make the search easier. It’s an online platform that matches you with a professional based on your specific needs, and even identity-based preferences. With a network of over 28,000 licensed therapists, it takes some of the guesswork out of the search, helping you to narrow down and find the right match. If you’re curious to try, this link gets you 25% off your first month!
It’s okay if your first (or second, or third) attempt doesn’t stick. That first therapist I had in college was a total mismatch. But when I found my current therapist, we totally clicked.
How do I know I’ve found the right therapist, and how long should I give it to know whether they’re a good fit?
This is a really common question I get—and I totally get it. Therapy is such a personal thing, and finding the right fit can feel daunting.
Here’s how I knew: I started thinking about what my therapist had said outside of our sessions. Her words would pop into my head during a tough moment, or I’d find myself handling a situation differently because of something we’d worked through together. That’s when I realized—okay, this is working.
It doesn’t have to be some huge breakthrough right away. But if even one thing they’ve said sticks with you or helps you feel a little more grounded, that’s a good sign.
On the flip side: if nothing’s landing, if you walk out of sessions feeling flat or like you’re not being heard—it’s okay to question the fit. And sometimes, someone is the right therapist for a certain season of your life—but not forever. If you feel like you’ve hit a wall or stopped making progress, it might be time to move on. That’s not a bad thing, it just means you’re growing and your needs are shifting.
How long should you give it before deciding?
If you’re going weekly, I’d say try to stick it out for a month. The first few sessions are mostly about laying the groundwork, sharing your story, figuring out your goals. Four sessions should give you a decent sense of whether you’re clicking or just not connecting.
Waiting patiently in the lobby of my therapist’s office:
What to expect at my first time in therapy
One thing I always tell friends who are starting therapy for the first time: the session is yours. You control the session and what you talk about, you set the tone. It can look exactly how you want it to look. Communicate what you’re looking to get out of your time with him or her and anything you want to avoid getting into.
A good therapist, the right therapist, will follow your lead and meet you where you are.
Not sure where to begin? Try something simple like: “I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed with __ lately and wanted to talk it through.”
That’s more than enough material for your therapist to help you get a conversation going.
Here’s an example from my own life: one thing I’ve talked about in therapy is how anxious I get before brand events. Driving there alone, LA traffic (ugh), and then walking into a room full of people I don’t know—it sends my nervous system into overdrive. I feel stressed, and it’s hard for me to fully be myself. Honestly, my instinct is usually to just RSVP “no.” That’s been a recurring topic for me, and something we’ve worked on a lot over time.
Your version might be totally different—but the point is, nothing is “too small” or “too weird” to bring up. If it’s taking up space in your brain, it’s worth talking about.
What are sessions like?
First, choose your format: in-person or virtual. I’m an in-person fan, my carved-out time, my safe space. But I know people who swear by virtual sessions from their car, a quiet park bench, or on a walk. Do whatever makes it feel most accessible and comfortable for you.
Make it yours. As I said above, the session can look like whatever you want it to look like—you’re in the driver’s seat. If you want to guide the conversation, go for it. If you want your therapist to take the lead, let them know.
I always go in with a plan, a loose mental list of what I want to cover. You don’t need to plan your sessions down to the minute, but having a starting point helps me ease into the conversation.
And finally, remember: therapy can be uncomfortable or emotional at the beginning, or even after you feel like you’re a pro. That’s totally normal, and doesn’t mean it’s not working—in fact, it most likely means it is.
What do I do when I don’t have anything to talk about in my session?
Such a good question—and one I’ve asked myself a lot. There are plenty of weeks when I think, “Everything’s fine—do I even need this session?” I’ll even catch myself trying to justify cancelling.
But honestly, those are often the sessions that end up being the most impactful.
When I walk in without an agenda—no crisis, no bullet points to unload—my therapist is actually able to do her job and dig a little deeper. She’ll ask something that nudges a part of me I didn’t even realize needed attention, and I walk out lighter. Every. Single. Time.
It’s not uncommon to sometimes dread going to therapy, to drag your feet to the office, but I’ve never once regretted showing up. It’s really important to go both when things aren’t going well, and even when they are.
Pro top: I love giving myself a little treat after sessions. Nothing big—just a small ritual to thank yourself for prioritizing your mental health. For me, it’s usually an Arnold Palmer on the drive home. Maybe for you it’s a coffee, a scoop of ice cream, or a solo walk around the block. Whatever it is, it helps reinforce that this time you’re carving out for yourself is worth it.
Best advice I’ve gotten:
One method that’s really stuck with me is evidence-based coping. It’s simple but super effective—especially when I’m spiraling. Basically, when anxiety starts to creep in, I remind myself: Have I been through something like this before? Did I survive it? If the answer is yes (and it almost always is), that’s my proof. I’ve done this before. I can do it again.
For example, those brand events I mentioned earlier still make me anxious. But now, when I’m driving to one and start to feel that tight-chest, racing-heart feeling, I pause and think: Okay, remember the last time? And the time before that? You went; you made it through, and it was actually… not terrible. If I did it then, then why can’t I do it now? I’ve also learned that staying distracted helps me, so you can usually finding me listening to the Foster sisters podcast on the way.
Another thing that’s been game-changing for me: leaving therapy with a plan. I love having small, tangible action items to carry into the week—nothing overwhelming, just little changes I can try and report back on in my next session.
After the fire, I told my therapist I didn’t feel like myself. I was scattered, more anxious than usual, and struggling to stay present. Small but alarming things started happening—forgetting conversations, or that I had oil heating on the stove to fry an egg. It was unsettling. One of the first things we looked at was my morning routine. It had completely stopped serving me. I was waking up, immediately reaching for my phone, and getting pulled into everything before I had even gotten out of bed.
Back in the Palisades, we had this sweet little morning rhythm: the three of us would walk to get coffee, soak in the fresh air, get a little sunlight, it was so grounding. So, I decided to recreate a new version of that.
I left that session with a plan: to switch up my morning routine that week and see if it made me feel better—nothing crazy, just reordering things, and trying not to pick up my phone first-thing.
My new morning routine:
You might’ve seen snippets on Instagram, but here’s the full breakdown:
When I’m not on Shep duty (Ben and I switch off days):
· Make the bed right after I wake up
· Step outside for a loop around the backyard—no phone, just flowers and sunshine
· Get dressed and take Sadie for a walk—again, no phone
· Come back, make coffee, then grab my phone and ease into the workday
That’s nearly an hour of presence before the scroll starts. When I am on Shep duty, I just bring him along for the ride and add some playtime before his nanny comes.
Therapy has helped me focus a lot on incremental change, and the importance of not trying to change everything all at once. One of my bigger goals is to work out more consistently, but we’re not jumping into that yet. We’re starting here—with slow mornings and more presence.
Morning routine with Shep:
Morning routine with Sadie:
As some final parting wisdom, I asked the community for tips, what works for them when they’re feeling anxious, and I’m so excited to share some of the top answers:
10 Community-Tested Tips for Managing Anxiety
1. Ground yourself with simple, sensory actions
Cold water on your face, ice in your hands, deep breathing, essential oils, or naming objects in the room—small, physical resets can help pull you out of spiraling thoughts
2. Talk to your anxiety like it’s a separate character
Whether you call it “Shrek” or “Jodi,” giving your anxiety a name can make it feel more manageable and less like you. Some people even thank their anxiety for trying to help, and then gently ask it to step aside.
3. Reframe the story in your head
Say things like “I feel anxious” instead of “I am anxious,” or remind yourself, “This is just a thought.” Those small shifts can break the spell of anxious thinking and create space to breathe.
4. Control what you can, and let go of the rest
Pick the restaurant, plan the route, make your bed—controlling tiny things can anchor you when everything else feels chaotic. As one community member so perfectly put it: “Only worry about what I can control.”
5. Don’t underestimate the power of movement and nature
Daily walks, “sanity strolls,” yoga, working in the garden, or just sitting in the sun—moving your body or stepping outside can work wonders for your mental state.
6. Meditation, tapping, and breathwork work best when they’re short and consistent
Whether it’s box breathing, the 4-7-8 method, or a 3- minute breathwork session on Calm, the key is not to overthink it. Just start.
7. Nutrition and supplements can make a big difference
L-theanine, magnesium, matcha instead of coffee, cutting out alcohol or processed foods—many people found that subtle changes in their diet helped dial down their anxiety.
8. Medication can be a bridge, not a crutch
Many community members shared that medication (SSRIs, beta blockers, hydroxyzine, or even certain supplements) helped them feel stable enough to actually use the tools they were learning in therapy.
9. Creativity and routine can keep you grounded
Needlepoint, journaling, dancing to your favorite music, or a morning routing that starts without screens—all of these help redirect anxious energy into something nourishing.
10. Therapy is a game-changer—but so is knowing you’re not alone
Whether it’s EMDR, talk therapy, or just texting a friend to say, “I’m struggling,” anxiety loses some of its grip when we stop hiding it. As one community member said: “There’s nothing braver than putting your feelings into the world.”
And here’s mine: when I’m feeling really anxious, staying off my phone first thing in the morning, drinking tons of water, moving my body, cooking, lighthearted shows, getting sunlight, walks with a friend—even just being with Shep and listening to his laugh—all help ground me. All of these things that bring me back to the present moment help me cope with anxious moments.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you! I know therapy and mental health challenges can feel overwhelming to navigate. But I really believe in the power of small steps, and in asking for help. Whether you’re just starting your search, switching therapists, or just thinking about maybe someday starting, I hope something here made it feel a little more doable. We’re all figuring it out, and you’re not alone. I’m so grateful to have this supportive community and thank you all to those who submitted questions or helpful tips—your insights made this post so much better.
Until next time!
This is such a helpful, kind and reassuring post. Thank you!❤️
I loved this overview. As a therapist, you hit so many important points. Thank you!!!!!😊