Yesterday was a harder mental day for me so it’s very fitting that today is world mental health day. I want to share a little bit about where I’m at in an attempt to normalize these thoughts and feelings and to hopefully inspire you to check in with yourself too! I’m sure most of you can relate, whether you’re a mom or not, but sometimes you just get lost in the shuffle of life. I was shooting a sponsored post yesterday (with my mom on camera duty, of course) and after we wrapped I looked at her and started crying. In that moment I felt uninspired, disappointed in myself, defeated, exhausted and honestly, sad. I take my work very seriously, as a creator and as a mom and over the past few months I haven’t been making any time for myself. Guess what? It’s starting to show.
I’ve shared with my family and friends (and now with you!) that I feel like the first few months with Shep were relatively easy! I was fortunate to feel good physically, we had support, life was on pause and each and every day it was all about our new baby. Not to mention, I was so overjoyed and grateful to be a mom to a healthy baby that everyday felt like a blessing (and still does)! It felt pretty straightforward! Help our baby boy grow and thrive and everything else could wait.
Shep was born at the beginning of June and in my mind, September was going to be when I got “back to life” and that’s where it seemed to get a lot harder. I picked back up at work, trained our part-time nanny, tried to stay on top of texts and emails and plans with friends, I tried to eat better, workout, connect with Ben, make weekend memories all while having a very busy month of procedures and medicine and wanting to be present with Shep all the time.
Although I already knew it, everyone tells you, yesterday I realized through failing, one cannot do it all. Or maybe you possibly find a way to do it all but it will not be done well and you’ll lose yourself in the process. The real transition for me has been attempting to intertwine the life I was previously living with my new (even sweeter!) one.
So where do I go from here?
Talking it out! Lots of talking it out. Yesterday with my family, soon with friends, and my therapist who, of course, I have neglected to check in with since just before Shep was born. And then, tweaking! I’m sure a lifetime of tweaks. I do not have all the answers yet and I’m sure I never will, but I’m determined to try to set myself up for success as best I can.
Some initials ideas we came up with yesterday…
More help! I have someone who helps me put together my substack each week, so I’m going to consider adding more to her plate. Like help brainstorming creative ways to make my sponsored content / content in general feel fresh and fun and reflective of me!
When we have our nanny (who I am so grateful to have, who I love and trust), I am going to give her space to do her job. I can work from outside the house to make it easier, or even get dressed and have a day / find inspiration the way I used to.
Clearer division of responsibilities between me and my husband. When it comes to Shep, the house, Sadie etc.
Finding one day a week to fully not work.
Starting therapy back up every other week.
That’s as far as I’ve gotten but when I tell you I feel so much better than I did yesterday, well, that’s the truth. Thank you for giving me a safe space to share! I hope in doing so, it makes someone somewhere feel less alone. We have absolutely got this, it’s just going to take some work. But we’re worth it!
Over the years this community has put together an awesome list of recommended therapists in cities across the country, so if you’d like to start talking to someone and don’t know where to begin you can reference this document. It’s editable so if you have a therapist you’d like to add, please do!
I love you all from the bottom of my heart. Wishing peaceful days ahead for everyone and if you ever need a friend, you know where to find me! Until next time!
Thank you for sharing this. I had my second baby in the middle of May (I think he’s two, maybe three weeks older than Shep!) and I have been feeling so similarly. The beginning felt so easy, and the last month or so has felt so overwhelming… leaving the newborn bubble behind is hard. Thank you for reminding me I’m not alone.
Thanks for sharing, Mal -- you're not alone in these feelings! There is so much pressure to do it all, but the burn out from that is real. I have to remind myself often that it is okay not to get everything on my list checked off. xx